I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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