i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
