I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
