No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
