I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
