TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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