While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
