My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
