ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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