i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
