It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
