PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
