so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
