We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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