i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I should be sponsored by Trojan
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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