my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
