what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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