you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
