she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
