Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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