you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
