new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
