You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
