umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
