end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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