so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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