she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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