I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
