It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
