Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
