Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
