I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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