He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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