it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
