Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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