I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
