Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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