There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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