just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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