Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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