i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
