Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
