he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
