operation have a gay friend backfired
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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