Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
