There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
