It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
