dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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