so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
