We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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