his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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