the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
