if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
